• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Association for Academic Surgery (AAS)

  • Home
  • About
    • AAS Staff
    • Contact Us
    • Foundation
  • Membership
    • Apply For Membership
    • New Member List
    • Membership Directory
    • Check Dues Balance / Pay Dues
  • Jobs
    • AAS Job Board
    • Post a Job
  • Resources
    • Assistant Professor Playbook
    • Partners
    • AAS Resources
    • Resident Research Funding Primer
  • Grants/Awards
    • AAS/AASF Fall Courses Award
    • AAS/AASF Research Awards
      • Basic Science/Translational Research Award
      • Clinical Outcomes/Health Services Research Award
      • Trainee Research Fellowship Award in Education
      • Global Surgery Research Fellowship Award
      • Joel J. Roslyn Faculty Research Award
    • Travel Awards
      • AAS/AASF Student Diversity Travel Award
      • Senior Medical Student Travel Award
      • Visiting Professorships
    • Awards FAQ’s
  • Meetings
    • Academic Surgical Congress
    • Surgical Investigators’ Course
    • AAS Fall Courses
    • International Courses
      • Fundamentals of Surgical Research Course and Scientific Writing Workshop
    • Resident Research Funding Primer
  • Publications
  • Webinars
    • Fireside Chat – Maintaining Balance & Control
    • Diversity, Inclusion & Equity Series
      • Allyship
      • PRIDE: The LGBTQ+ Community in Academic Surgery
      • Racial Discrimination in Academic Surgery
    • Academic Surgery in the Time of COVID-19 Series
      • How to Optimize your Research During the Pandemic
      • How to Optimize Educational Experiences During the Pandemic
      • Virtual Interviews
    • The Transition to Practice – Presented by Intuitive
  • Leadership
    • Current AAS Leadership
    • AAS Past Presidents
    • How to Chair
    • Committee Missions & Objectives
    • AAS Officer Descriptions
  • Blog
    • Submit a Post
  • Log In

April 1, 2016 by Nader Massarweh

Where Did I Go?

Humor me for a moment and close your eyes—seriously. No matter where you are in your medical training or practice, try envisioning yourself before the responsibility of being an attending, before the years of medical training, before the decade of education, and ask yourself two simple questions. Are you the person you were before all this? Are you the person you want to be?

I will share that for me I recently came to the realization that the answer to these two questions was ‘No’. My answers have nothing to do with my choice to become a surgeon or the job I currently have—both of which bring me great satisfaction. Nor are my answers irrevocable. But, it has taken me two years into my faculty position to realize the answers to these questions and, more importantly, to see the way to change them.

Once upon a time I liked reading for enjoyment. I’m neither referring to the behemoth texts I’d become accustomed to immersing myself in to prepare for the next in-service or American Board of Surgery exam nor the stack of journals (now as high as my mid-thigh) that sit in my office. I’m talking about many and varied literary works. For example, books written by W. Somerset Maugham or Wine Spectator (OK, so I used the term ‘literary work’ loosely). Until recently though, I couldn’t remember the last book or magazine I read for fun. As another example, I used to enjoy playing guitar. But, I can’t tell you last time I picked up my Takamine or Gibson and just messed around.

No one explicitly told or warned me of this along the way. Reflecting back now though, I can recall hearing hints of it here and there. So, I’m going to say this plainly in the way I wish someone had told it to me: Many of us become so accustomed to sacrificing on the things that put the ‘I’ in ‘me’, that eventually it is easy to just let them go altogether. During residency, the last case of the day would finish late, I’d be tired, and still have to prepare for tomorrow so I’d allow myself to skip the gym today or wait until tomorrow to worry about doing any of the many recreational things I once enjoyed. And then today turns into tomorrow, and the next day, and then unbelievably nearly a decade has passed.

We become so encumbered by the abnormality of the life we live in residency and fellowship, over time the abnormal slowly becomes normal. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. I don’t have medical school, residency, and fellowship to do over again (and trust me when I say I don’t want to), so I’m starting to try to find the pieces of the old me I’ve strewn over the last 15 years. And I hope by working toward changing the answer to that first question, the second will follow in turn.

Much ado is made about the inhumanity of surgical training. But, if I’m being honest with myself and we with each other, some of that inhumanity visited upon the ‘I’ in all of us comes from ourselves.

  • Bio
  • Latest Posts

Nader Massarweh

Dr. Massarweh is an Assistant Professor of Surgery in the Michael E. DeBakey Department of Surgery at Baylor College of Medicine. He works full-time as a Surgical Oncologist at the Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center where his clinical interest include the surgical care of patients with various solid organ malignancies with an emphasis on utilization of minimally invasive techniques. His academic interests include surgical health services research and the evaluation of surgical quality improvement initiatives.

Latest posts by Nader Massarweh (see all)

  • Finding the Good in Establishing a New Normal - May 20, 2020
  • Sweat Equity or Serendipity? - April 25, 2019
  • The Last Person I Would Have Expected To Do That - August 3, 2018

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Print

Other Posts from The Academic Surgeon:

Communicating Expectations
Message from the President

Primary Sidebar

Log In

  • Lost your password?

AAS Commitment to Diversity in Academic Surgery

Save the Date: 2023 Academic Surgical Congress

Save the date for the 18th ASC!
February 7-9, 2023
Hilton Americas-Houston
Houston, TX
More information coming soon.  Learn more>>

2023 AAS Fall Courses

Save the Date! Saturday, October 21, 2023 Boston , MA Courses will take place immediately prior to the ACS Clinical … More Information » about Fall Courses

Footer

Association for Academic Surgery
11300 W. Olympic Blvd, Suite 600
Los Angeles, CA 90064
Phone: (310) 437-1606
Email: [email protected]

Follow Us

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Instagram

© 2023 · AAS - Association for Academic Surgery